Breaking News

I'm doing this a lot lately, and I wonder if it has anything do do with getting closer to filming month that I'm starting to pick up more and more bits with increasing frequency, but we interrupt your regularly scheduled programming for this bulletin.

Rachel Harris is playing a woman named Madeline Phelps. I've heard of Michael Phelps (who hasn't?) but never of Madeline Phelps? Is she a famous British person? Is she a docent at whatever museum Larry will find himself come Christmas? Will Larry be plunged into a love triangle the likes of which this franchise has thus far managed to avoid? Is this even Larry's story anymore? This is becoming very unwieldy, and I must confess, I want my mummy.

Crappy puns aside, as I mentioned at the start of this blog, there are almost too many characters in the first two movies; it's a miracle anyone can keep track of them, but judging from what I see here, the cast of characters just keeps getting longer. It helps me fill out my filming special, which I'm planning on being a month long, but seriously. This is too much. In this movie alone we have an Egyptian woman, this woman, a woman named Andrea, a mysterious stranger, a mythological villain, a relative of one of the guards from the first movie,  and those are just indigenous to NATM 3. Add this to:

1. Cecil Fredericks
2. Gus
3. Reginald
4. Larry
5. Dr. McPhee
6. Nicky
7. Erica
8. Don
9. Dexter
10. Able
11. Bust!Teddy
12. Wax!Teddy
13. Amelia Earhart
14. Al Capone
15. Ivan the Terrible
16. Napoleon Bonaparte
17. Darth Vader
18. Oscar the Grouch
19. Brunden
20. Ahkmenrah
21. Kahmunrah
22. Rebecca Hunt
23. The Thinker
24. Abraham Lincoln
25. Rexy
26. The octopus
27. Easter Island Head
28. Attila
29. Columbus
30. Neanderthals
31. Jedediah
32. Octavius
33. Miniature armies of thousands
34. The Mayans
35. Sacajawea
36. Custer
37. The Einsteins
38. The nameless mooks
39. The Jackal guards

I'm sure I'm forgetting half a million people; already this is a mind-boggling list, and trying to recall all of these characters is personally starting to give me a headache. The point I'm trying to stress is that this franchise is in serious danger from collapsing under the weight of more characters than the Chinese and Japanese languages combined. I will discuss in due time the fact that the only real back story we get for anyone who is not based on real life is for the Brothers Egypt, and I am now more than ever of the firm opinion that we need to stop piling on the personages and start exploring some of them, especially ones of our own creation.

STOP THE MADNESS!