I promised you something entirely different, and sure enough, just as I was well aware it would, Tomb of the Dragon Emperor delivered. This isn't even technically a mummy movie: there are absolutely NO mummies involved. At. All. There are reanimated terracotta soldiers, there are zombies, but there is nary a mummy to be found.
The story is set in China and involves Chinese soldiers and the O'Connell family of heroes from the first two movies, and a reanimated terracotta emperor who was cursed by a witch, and Shangri La, and Yeti. Yes, Yeti. It's clear they set this up like the first two movies, but this is nothing like the first two movies. Aside from the severe lack of mummies, mentioned above, they keep calling the reanimated soldiers and emperor "mummies" even after explaining in detail in the first movie exactly what this entails. Even without the explanation, these can't properly be called "mummies". They're much closer to what happens night after night in Night at the Museum wherever the Tablet of Ahkmenrah is. And besides, they're CHINESE!
I don't know jack about Chinese mythology, and only a smidge more about the history, but last time I checked, the Great Wall was not built as a show of power over conquered tribes within China, but rather as a means of defending the country from invading Huns/Mongol Hordes. Han, I'm also pretty sure, is a fictional construct for the purposes of having a vengeful dead guy after the protagonists' hides, but there was a real emperor who unified China. His name is Qin Shi Huang. He's on the internet.
My last major "gripe" (if it can be called that in a movie which structrually and story-telling wise is next to senseless) is that the terracotta soldiers, who were magically turned into clay (which sounded like torture, if the emperor's reaction is anything to go by), froze in perfect position and were buried in ranks. I'm not sure if the forms of the soldiers were constructed over them, as the reawakening of the emperor seems to suggest, but since the movie doesn't explain any of this, we'll never know. But that's discipline if they literally did freeze like that. And the Yeti. I just don't understand the point of having them around except to save the characters, but by that point, I just decided, oh, screw it.
Final verdict: skip if possible. If you insist, I pray for your soul. Don't try to make sense of this. DON'T.
Final question: why the yak?
Next on "For the Love of Night at the Museum": Well, now that I've sat through my Egypt theme's heaven-purgatory-hell trilogy, it's time to compare it to NATM and bring this blog back around.
Countdown: 285 Days to NATM 3
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